Saturday, 12 May 2012

The Longest Letter to my Dearest Daddy

Before I start this letter, some of you may know that my Daddy has recently and suddenly passed away (at least in peace)... It's also one of the reasons why I left my RMK job in UK and now settling back in Hong Kong.  I have been putting the beauty blogging and youtubing behind for abit, but today, I guess it's about time to sort out the schedules of filming, editting, blogging and uploading videos as beauty and fashion are my major passions.  Well, just before I will get beauty blogging and youtube back on track again.... here's the letter that worths all my love that I can give to my daddy...

To my beloved daddy,
The song "Yesterday" by Leona Lewis may have already explained everything how I felt from the day I found out that you will be gone forever, however, I want you to know within my own words how proud my life had been with you in it and... because of you and your work with mum, I feel so complete and loved, and I don't regret being the only child because that's what makes me even more proud to be loved.

Three years ago, I've decided to come back to the UK for a change of life after experiencing the life back and forth between home and UK.  I remember my silent at first made you upset and angry because I never told you face to face on how I want my life to be or any arrangements to be made that reassures you and mum.  For the 2 years in UK without you and mum, I've experienced all the bitterness based on unemployment, relationship issues and also the mental loneliness but in the end, the RMK job brought the sweetness of building up a great harmony between me and other colleagues.  Also, my birthday trip to Paris... Daddy, thank you for the favour, it was the final favour that you've done before the destiny tells you that your job is done and it's time to go.  To me, it's never done because we've never caught up in person, you never have heard that I am planning a big celebration on your last day in the police force and you still haven't asked me for a vacation treat to somewhere you want to go!  However, I know it well even if I've fulfill my wishes on what I want to give you, I may still be asking for more, me getting married....meeting your grandchildren?!-Daddy, to me, the whole lifetime is not enough for me to be the perfect daughter...

Everyone told me that you have left in peace, but the moment I saw you in the mortuary, I just couldn't feel where the word peace came from when I saw that your fists were tight, your eyes half opened... Still, I cried it all out, and said in my heart "Daddy, I'm back...".

There was 2 weeks break between arriving back home and the funeral, I've spent the time within those 2 weeks job seeking and spending it with cousin Florence as much as possible.  And Maggie, one of our neighbours who used to share the same elevator as us introduced me into working for Kumon that I've got started days before the funeral and continued my job after the funeral's out the way.  The good news is because of the my maturity and the harmony I brought into the working environment, Mr Lam decided to hire me as a full time.

Though I know that what I earn at the moment in financial wise may not be enough to look after you after your retirement (if you're still here), daddy, I hope you will be pleased to know that my job has given me the most powerful comfort from the kids I worked with and also, respect from other coworkers.

Daddy, we are still arranging the sea burial ceremony for you to send you to where you will enjoy being, diving and a closer contact with all the different types of fish in the world, just like what you've done days before the funeral- I've never seen a firefly in my life and know it's almost impossible to see it in Hong Kong, but that night, it flew past me glowing a blue light.  It might be because I missed you too much that I think that you must be nearby... but Daddy, if this is the surprise that you wanted to show me, please take my appreciation with you wherever you go now.

On your behalf, I deeply appreciate those who attended to the funeral, I hope you know for sure that the memorial hall was so packed that we ran out of chairs to host all the guests.  Please allow me to take a nice bottle of wine to your district commander as to show my appreciation that he attended to the funeral and to express how honoured I have heard him telling me that Daddy was a really good policeman and was a popular person being loved by everyone.

It's still somewhere a month or 2 away from Father's Day and it's not the same without you cooking dinner after I finished work or not having someone to knock on my door after my laundry's done.  Daddy, you may know I have 3 different feelings to what your food was like:
1) The chicken wings you made and the potato-tomato soup are my favourites in the family dish menu.
2) You always worry that I don't finish off what you made or what I don't like-well, there may be a few times that things could go wrong, but you just never knew even the taste might not be right, the appreciation made it right.
3) On the last day I was in Hong Kong and the last day you cooked me lunch, I never wanted to finish off what I've got or the time to go.

Now that I have mum's favourite picture of you in front of me while I write this letter, I am also having my favourite picture of the 3 of us together on my phone (the picture we took at Disneyland), everything in my head is now filled with memories of the 26 years we have been through.

Daddy, I hope everything I've mentioned here would be the things you've experienced during your lifetime, if not, I will continue to learn for the right maturity to make you proud.  However, the last thing I can say: Daddy, even if you decide that you would like to have your spirit free and adventurous in the sea or if you're in another different world from us.... please remember that you're NOT alone because the love from mum and I never dies.  In my lifetime, I am proud to say that my Daddy was a policeman but yet also talented enough to be an interior designer... but never miss out describing you that you're a sweetheart daddy that I will miss so much forever.

I love you Daddy!